I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
