Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
