How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
