All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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