I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
