i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
