while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
