hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
