wat bout pragnant strippers??
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
