The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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