I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
