I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
