WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
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