What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
as a side note pls kill me
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
