i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
