k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
