I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
