its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
we're so committed to being not committed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
