Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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