There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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