when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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