so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
