I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
