I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
