What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
