4 words: hood of his car
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?