Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.