When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!