i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.