Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
