I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
