Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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