As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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