just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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