new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
