He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
