Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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