First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
