There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
