i can't believe i had my finger in that
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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