Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
