I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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