ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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