You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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