I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
