Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
