i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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