Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
