She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
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Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
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if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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