Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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