That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I intend to get homeless drunk
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
