No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
