Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
