it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
