I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
