your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
