i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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