i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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