A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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