Do you still have your period?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
