Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
When did angry sex become our thing?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
