I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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