I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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