Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
