Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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