Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Say something about gay babies.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
