The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
