ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
