Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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