I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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