She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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