I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
