I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
