You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
